Companionships

The Helaman Sons Letters Issue No. 8 - GUIDElines on Companionships – from the Warriors Around the World

This column on Companionships does not fit in time wise but is an important example of how the Letters worked.  One month we would hear from someone and during the next couple of months I would be able to print responses from around the world.  I suppose once a leader always a leader.  David was their leader in the program and when he spoke they listened, even after they were on their missions.  The reason?  David’s words are true.

David:

Brother Parker, I want to share some thoughts on companionships.  I have now completed seven months in the mission field and have experienced three completely different companions.  However, from each I have learned things that will serve me for the rest of my life.  I am sure all of you have discovered that as Youth Guides we lived in a very sheltered environment, surrounded by people whose only desire was to please the Lord.  Although at times during the mission we may be blessed with companions that have these same desires, I am positive that all of us will have the opportunity to be with those who we can help see the vision.  I believe the Lord wants it that way.

I do not pretend to have mastered this topic in any way.  I continue to struggle with it on a daily basis.  However, I feel it might help some of you to know that you are not alone in this struggle.

I have come to believe that nothing is worth contention in the companionship.  The Lord taught us the importance of “being one” in His great intercessory prayer in John 17.  The Savior also said, “Be one, and if ye are not one, ye are not mine.”  If we don’t have our eyes fixed on the same vision we can never reach our full potential.  I have learned that I should never try and teach when I don’t feel my companion and I are one.

The key I believe is communication.  Never harbor negative feelings, even if your companion is not compliendo con las reglas (following the rules).  Prayer, patience, and humility all are important.  I am convinced that a large part of our mission is to help our companions succeed.  I have no doubt that we are put with specific companions for reasons that sometimes we can’t see.  There was a time in my mission when I wept every morning in my prayers asking the Lord why I was put with a companion who didn’t desire to work and keep the rules like I knew we could.  How wise the Lord is to not always give us what we want.  As I now try to motivate other missionaries, I realize how important the experience really was.

“For verily I say, as ye have assembled yourselves together according to the commandment wherewith I commanded you, and agreed as touching this one thing, and have asked the Father in my name, even so, ye shall receive!” (D&C 42:3)

We can truly receive, but we must be united!  (Try a “companionship hug” every morning and night – it helps if it is done with Love.)

Mike:

Brother Parker I am writing to you for two reasons:  1) to say how much I love you and the “Gang,” and 2) –to just say thanks so much for your efforts and time you put into the GUIDElines.  I re-read them several times and each time I do I find out more about myself and to know that I am not the only one who is having some trying times as a full time servant of our Heavenly Father.

I just re-read David’s letter on companions.  He is so right!  I have noticed that in my companionships there isn’t a lot of love or trust and there isn’t anything called “unity.”  David wrote that in John 17 we shall be one!  He also gave a remarkable reminder that we should “Be one, and if ye are not one, ye are not mine.”  I have tried to remember this daily and if I forget I will always remember what is written in 2 Nephi 32:8-9.  That we should have a constant prayer in our hearts.  That if we do not pray it is because the Devil teacheth a man not to pray.  I have come to a love for personal prayer.  I know that my prayers are heard and will be answered when the time is needed.

I want to also thank all those missionaries who write whenever possible so that the rest of us can know that there are good things happening to them and that no matter what the situation is or how tough it is we can know that Heavenly Father is on our side.  I have been having a real trying two months with my companion.  To tell you the truth I’m really scared of him.  He has a real short temper and we have gotten into a few radical arguments  and two fights.  I called President and said, “Get me out of here,”  He and I just talked for a minute about it.  He told me that we should just tough it out for the rest of the month and to see what transfers would bring.  I didn’t feel like that was the right answer but I agreed to it.  Transfers came and we were to stay together another month.  We weren’t real excited but I said to myself that if that’s what the Lord wanted then I’d try my best to make it work.  It started out okay but it was just for the first few days.  My prayers seem to be getting longer and longer.  I just plead to my Father that He will soften my companion’s heart and mine that we can be a successful companionship and I know that Satan is trying to make it worse.  I’m still praying though and won’t ever stop.

Eric:

There have been a few excellent things happen to me in my mission so far of 4 ½ months.  They were times when I felt the Spirit and was happy.  First in the MTC, my companion there, he was a really good guy and a caring person but there was something about him that drove people a little crazy.  Everybody in our District there felt a little stressed out because of him and so did I.  After about a month in the MTC (me and Jeff were in the same building, dormitory 15M), I asked Jeff if he would give me a blessing to help me.  He did and said some awesome things.  The minute I walked through the doorway into my room, I felt this calm, peaceful, tranquil feeling.  Can’t describe how good it felt. You have to just taste it.  From that time on in the MTC things went better.

Jeff:

Last week one day I was having a hard day with my comp – as has been mentioned in the GUIDElines – and was real down, but found out the GUIDElines came and was on my desk!  I eagerly tore it open and read for the whole two hours of siesta.  I felt renewed and strengthened especially after reading the letters from Elder Dave and both Can-Win and Chile Jensen.  And we finished the day great!

I need to explain my situation to show you why I have felt the worst I ever have in my life.  This companion has been a real struggle and I never have felt so depressed, frustrated and helpless in my life.  I’ve been working with a comp who basically hates me because I’m trying to follow the rules and who doesn’t care if we are successful or not.  This has been the hardest time in my whole life to the point where several times I’m about to cry in the streets.  But as with all trials that we have, I have grown so much.

Because he doesn’t like responsibility I have loved to take some and I’ve run with it and improved in the language and gained valuable experience.  And in line with what Elder Can-Win J. said about prayers “call upon your Father because He will always be there for us,” I have been in constant prayer for up to an hour at times and have developed a stronger relationship with Him, which has been a great blessing so far in my mission.  And I have been able to work on and develop the Christ like virtues of temperance, patience, and love.  He really has made me want to work harder to ensure that we do our best.  I’m so thankful for all the growth I’m making.

I know we should expect to see comps who do not want to work or will demand the best out of us.  But this comp is a little different.  He actually and seriously is retarded-no joke or cut down.  He does not have full use of his brain.  He hasn’t since he was a kid.  He only has full usage of 4/5 of his brain.  But as with all comps – THERE IS A REASON HE IS HERE AND I AM WITH HIM.  He would not be here if he could not do well.  This has helped me to keep going and keep trying.  And amidst all our problems I love him dearly for all he has taught me and all we’ve been able to do.  I am an “embryo” as Elder D said and I have so much to learn and grow still.

It is important with our comps that we are humble, (I am in no way perfect – so I can’t expect it of my comp either, this makes me humble), temperate, patient and loving.  In this way the Spirit of the Lord can work through us and we can be powerful tools of righteousness.  It has been miraculous what I’ve been able to do.  I have had great experiences with this comp too.  He really can be great – and we just need to press on, try our hardest to improve and accomplish the work we were sent to do.  Our relationship has been the best when I’ve been able to give humble service, and when there has been no contention.  I strive for that more than anything right now.  Thank you for all your words of wisdom and support you all give me.  I love to hear form you all too, and hope you learn lots from the letters of others.

I really enjoy my mission and serving the Lord.  It is a tremendous blessing in my life!

Ryan:

I also noticed that there are many Elders who have, well, lazy companions.  Recently, I’ve discovered what worked for me.  It took me three tries, but I think I’ve finally found a way to handle it.  It’s probably not the best way for every situation, but please share this with those who could use it.

We’ve already heard from David about Unity a few issues ago.  Wondrous!  You can’t succeed in any way without unity.  Contention is of the Devil and is in no way conducive to the Spirit.  The first companion I sent home was my first test on this, and I bombed.  So the Lord gave me another chance and I crashed and burned.  And yes, I got my third chance, and I finally learned my lesson.  Thank you, David, for your words of wisdom on Unity.

A big lesson I learned was that even if you are not working, you can still have the Spirit’s guidance.  And oh, it’s so necessary in a situation like this.  You need to follow that guidance 24 hours a day in order to encourage him.  When he gets on your nerves, the Spirit leaves.  You need to forgive him and get the Spirit back (remember Gene R. Cook’s Eight Ways To Get The Spirit?  Prayer, scriptures, testimony, music, gratitude, spiritual experience sharing, priesthood ordinances, and service.)

Yes, the key to missionary work is work.  (ETB’s words)  So when we are in charge, we will have the opportunity to work.  But maybe before that opportunity arises, Heavenly Father wants us to learn something that makes us twice as effective as before.  The Lord will test our ability to love those whom are not easily loved, and our ability to forgive.  In short, he tests “the Greatest of them all” – CHARITY.  Concentrate on him, rather than the work.

Here are two suggestions for whomever this may benefit:

1.       Give him your full support.  Remember David’s article on unity?  Whether you would do the same thing if you were in charge doesn’t matter.  Back home, in the changing of a bishopric, or of Youth Guide Presidencies, or whatever, the programs may be done differently, not because one was better than the other, but that different personalities come together to create new ideas.

And even if your idea is better than his, as you support him, you gain his trust, and he will learn faster from his mistakes, than if you told him so.

2.       Look for the good in him.  Praise him for it.  Sincere praise is the best way to encourage.  He becomes a somebody, feels responsibility (due to #1) and wants to do what you want him to, because you told him what he wanted to hear.  Everyone can use some praise.  Some warm fuzzies.

Hope this helps someone.  Thanks for everything!

Next post we’ll hear from David and Doug from the MTC.